To the Edge and Back; or, “My Worst Day, EVER !!!”

 

By Joseph Diop

Copyright © 2013 by Joseph Diop

 

I have been to the edge of life and back—to that dark precipice, where all reality, sanity, and spirituality fade into oblivion. That is where only one thing remains—the SAVING CHOICE to believe. There, you look out over the black abyss of complete despair—the place where no reasons for believing are apparent anymore.  All supports for faith have been kicked out from under you. And, you stand there with nothing to lean on anymore—no encouraging testimonies, no evidence of the faithfulness of God, no host of witnesses, and no scripture resounding in your ears. You have absolutely nothing to look forward to. You have NO hope. All knowledge, wisdom, and understanding fail. You stand there realizing: “This is it! This is the end—the place where I let go of my faith. This is where I finally relinquish all hope—all hope of anything.” And, you stand there wondering, “Has anything that I ever believed been real? Has anything that I ever thought was based on truth been anything but a lie?” And suddenly, it seems that all you once held so true, so dear, and so fervently, has only been a fantasy—a complete delusion. Now, it’s come to an end. It was simply all a joke; and the joke’s on you. I have been there—felt that.

As you reflect upon all this, you ask yourself, “Why should I believe any longer? Why should I believe in a God who let me end up like this?” As you stand there on the edge of life—on the very precipice of existence—a small voice from beyond, emerges to suddenly ask, “Well, what lies on the other side when you let your faith go??? What happens from here, if you stop believing?” That’s when it strikes you like a bolt out of the blue. You suddenly realize that if you stop believing, there’s nothing left but: Death, Hell, and the Lake of Fire!!! You don’t know anything anymore, except this: “I don’t want to end up in hell!! I’ve had a raw deal in this life. But, I don’t want to go through hell in this life, and end up in a literal hell forever too.” Thus, you’ve been snapped back to an awareness that THERE IS A GOD, and a consequence for the choice you are contemplating. You are in the crisis of your life, and it all comes down to an act of your will. You are faced with a choice. But really, it’s not much of a choice, because the alternative to continuing on with your faith is UNTHINKABLE!!! Without debate, you know this: “Hell is not for me. No way! I ain’t goin’ there!”

So reluctantly, still in sorrow, grief, emotional pain, and the fog of that hour, you make the choice to believe again. Then, you pick up your faith, and you turn around to face the cruel world again. Under a power you don’t even understand, you begin to put one foot in front of the other. You reenter the flow of life in a state of weakness and uncertainty. As you go, bare resignation turns into first, endurance; then into a power that you know is not your own, and then into a settled mind of firm resolve. What happened to you is that the Spirit of the Fear of the Lord came to rescue you at your weakest hour and posed that fateful question. You’ve just experienced what it is to be “sifted like wheat”—like Job, and like what the devil wished to do to Peter (Luke 22:31). So, at your darkest hour, God’s most rudimentary grace rescued you—the grace of the Fear of the Lord.  As the Word says,

The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death… The fear of the Lord tends to life: he that has it shall abide satisfied. He shall not be visited with evil. Proverbs 14:27; 19:23

 

I am A LIVING WITNESS. This was my view and experience, after traveling to the edge and back. Now, I can testify to you that God will meet you at the end of your rope, catch you when you are too weak to hold on any longer, and bring you back—back to life, to hope, to faith, to love, to Jesus Christ. Hallelujah. Hosanna. Amen.